No,
actually. I think Menand changed my life. After reading his article about
higher education, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. His split of educational
theories into three distinct categories stuck in my mind: theory one about
grades, theory two about knowledge, and theory three about vocation. I found myself constantly asking myself which one I belonged to. Because we discussed their definitions to highlight their differences, not how they overlap, I felt as if I had to fall distinctly into one of these categories. The problem was that I found myself being a strong combination of theories one and two, but in
my life they’re at war with each other.
I’ve kept this theory in the back of my mind for months
now, I’ve come to evaluate my life differently than I ever have. Join me
through my thought process:
Step
One: I am the theory two student. The only reason I’m in school is to gain
knowledge. I didn’t come to college because I was told to or because society
has created a path for me, I came to college because I am genuinely interested
in learning about the world and applying this knowledge to my daily life. I’m
basically the spawn of Socrates – I’m examining my life, ya know?
Step
Two: But who are you kidding? You have a 3.9 GPA for a reason. You care about
your grades to the point where it makes you crazy. You’ve always been like
this, too. Pulling all-nighters and crying over midterm grades has been a
pattern since middle school. You are the theory one and you know it.
Step
Three: Trying to deal with the tension of these two concepts and trying to understand how they fuse. This began
with asking myself why I’ve always been so compulsive about grades. Why, what
is the real reason, behind my need to achieve? The typical response brings in
the influence of society. Well “the man” tells me that in order to succeed I
need straight As, so I get straight As. For a while I accepted this; maybe I’m
just a product of society and all that matters to me is nailing the report
card for my future employers. But when I thought about how self-motivated I always was, I realized that was wrong to assume the typical answer applied to
myself. It was an internal thing, not a society thing.
Step
four: Letting this thought marinate in my mind for two months, and then
having a revelation and admitting Menand has changed my outlook on life. I
realized that I wasn’t in fact concerned with pleasing others or fitting in
with society’s standards, but that I was concerned with pleasing myself. I found
the heart of the problem. I am theory two because I love knowledge and
learning, but I am theory one because I am a perfectionist.
Step
five: Looking at my life with some perspective - does this final conclusion add up? Ohmygod...it does. I never realized it before. I was the first chair
oboe player, the captain of the softball team, and I had straight As throughout
high school. I never put any effort into art projects because I knew I would
fail at them. I’ve never tried to stop biting my nails because I’m afraid I
just can’t. If I can’t do something perfectly, I just don’t do it. I don't even attempt it. I’m in school
because I love knowledge, but I have a 3.9 because I’m never satisfied. (Quick note: some tears were shed it wasn't a full 4.0). Are you rolling your eyes yet?
I recently had this revelation.
I finally feel myself being genuinely interested in my classes,
absorbing knowledge at an unprecedented rate, and actually applying it in my
life. I'm making connections between the life I live and what's taught inside the classroom. Menand placed the argument in my mind that it was either knowledge or grades. I’m all about knowledge, but I’m still killing myself for grades. But to me, grades are not just grades; they represent just another thing I feel the need to perfect. To most students, and to Menand, studying and working hard are means to the end. To me, grades are the means to the end of perfection. My connection to this article may be different than everyone else's in this way.
This article has taught me why I need to keep my life in perspective: Menand attacks the way we are rigorously tested in school so I have tried to focus more on genuine learning. But because my grades have shed light on my true drive for overall perfection, I can relate how he feels about education to how I proceed in all aspects of my life. Maybe it's a little dramatic for me to claim that my Polisci 101 class has changed my life, but it's certainly made an impact. And I'm not just saying that.
Lisa, I loved your post. I can really identify with the insanity over grades (my high school had a monster called "PowerSchool" where I could obsessively check my grades every 34 seconds), and I think it's awesome that you came to this realization through PoliSci101.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was applying to college, I had a fear that I wouldn't get into a great school, I wouldn't get a job after I graduated from some mediocre university, and then I would be homeless and die. Clearly, this is ridiculous, but from this I know that it wasn't simply a love of learning that led me here.
Are you sure that societal pressures didn't weigh on your wanting to be perfect? Or perhaps pressure from your parents? Why do you think you have become a perfectionist?
Thanks for commenting! Good questions though. I can't be sure that societal pressures didn't weigh on my always wanting to be perfect, and ultimately I'm sure they did play a role. It's just that they weren't the ONLY thing. My parents are funny in this respect; they obviously encourage me to do my best and work to my potential. But at the same time, they are the most supportive people I know. They let me graduate high school a year early and take a gap year because my passion is traveling, so they're definitely not all about the academics. They have much more perspective than I do; if I did all I could and weren't so perfect, they'd be proud of me regardless. I give them a lot of credit because whenever I need the reality check of what is REALLY important, I get it from them. I'm not sure why I've grown up with this mindset, really. Maybe step six of the process if figuring that out.
DeleteLisa, I think your post is a great example of how college students live and think. Menand's article forces us all to reevaluate the way we carry out our education. I feel that as college students we tend to be at war with ourselves about Menand's three theories of grades, knowledge, and vocation and I like how you took time to step back and put all of them into perspective. At our age, I feel it is pretty difficult to see the future and how our grades as well as knowledge obtained in school will lead to a job. We are so caught up in knowing everything that I think we tend to forget to apply what we learn in the classroom to our daily life (which is what you have begun doing) and gradually continue to develop throughout college. In other words, we are in a rush to go nowhere and we would be better off enjoying the knowledge received, striving for good grades, and having some faith in letting the rest take care of itself. Your post was very well done and I think a lot of students could benefit from reading it.
ReplyDelete"We are in a rush to go nowhere" is such a solid quote. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteThis post really resonated with me, as I think it does with a lot of college students. When I started my freshman year, I literally was in love with every class I was taking. I willingly read every page assigned, did every assignment given, and gladly labored through every problem presented to me merely for the sake of learning. I just knew that for everything I did, it would make me a better college student, even a better person, in the end just like Theory 2.
ReplyDeleteWell that lasted about two weeks. Suddenly, I was right back to how I was in high school, only doing the work necessary for the grade at the end of the semester like Theory 1. It's something I really struggle with, as I think we all do. We are all given the idea that we absolutely have to get a job right out of college, and take the class and get the grades to get us that job. I'm hoping to get into the business school, which is basically all about grades and employment, not really a love of learning about supply curves.
I'm jealous of your renewed love for learning, and maybe I should take another look at Menand's article. Maybe I too can find a balance between going for that grade, but enjoy doing so.
I'm really glad that Menand gave you a chance to reflect on your own motivations, and that you've come to a more nuanced way of thinking about the relationship between your motivations. As is evinced by all the comments you received, so many of us feel these different motivations for what we do: need to please self, need to please others, genuine excitement about learning new things, desire to get a job. Sometimes, they feel like they're in tension and ohmygod what am I doing with my life and do I even like being a student anymore and maybe I'll be homeless and die if I don't get a PhD. Other times, it's easy to just enjoy what we're doing without over-analyzing our own motivations.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've come to a pretty healthy conclusion about your participation in school: you like being smart and are interested in things; so there it is. Maybe there's some part of you that, like Socrates, looks upon the vision of the good and can't imagine your life without its pursuit. Then there's another part of you that wants to do great things (we all do), both for your own sense of self-development and to get a decent job. Motivations are rarely pure, and it can be tough to figure out why we do what we do. Still, it's nice to be able to enjoy what we're doing.
Lisa, I think your post really gets at the heart of how we feel as college students. Sure we would love to forget about grades and focus on actually understanding and learning the material we are presented in classes. But the fact is we are torn between the two. Despite how much some of us may want to just learn and apply what we can in real life, sometimes we are forced to just memorize, spit out on a test, and then almost forget. The hard truth is, we have to focus on grades. Despite what we may think or want, employers and grad schools are all about the grades. If you don't have a certain GPA, forget about it. It really is unfortunate and something i wish was different. I think its great that you found a way to be able to balance the two views and take Menand and really apply it to your life. I applaud you.
ReplyDeleteLisa, we are totally on the same boat! Whenever I think back to this article (which is one of my favorite articles that was assigned to us) I always find myself in conflict. I too am a perfectionist and really think that I only want to get these good grades so I'm not disappointed in myself. I really do not care much of what society is telling me to do, although I do think that if a college education was not so stressed in society people would not be so hung up on grades... This article really made me sit down and think about the perspective that I have on school. There are times that I take it very seriously and stress all day about a single examination but there are times when I allow myself to just relax because in reality one grade will not ruin my entire life. I know that school and education are important, but sometimes having fun and spending time with family instead of slaving over an essay is just as imperative to make my life more "perfect." The problem with perfectionist like us that I don't think we will ever be fully satisfied with our work... we are our own worst enemies... Anyways, great post! I really laughed and enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteLisa, I really enjoyed your article. I actually have gone through a lot of this process myself after reading this article. I realized that I am also a combination of both my own need to succeed and simultaneously a product of my environment. My high school strongly encouraged solid grades and stressed the importance of attending either Michigan or Michigan State. Yes, they even encouraged people to go to THAT school!) Like your parents, my mom and dad were very encouraging and never really worried about my grades. They were always proud, no matter what the grade. After taking AP psych my senior year of high school, I began this process of discovery. We learned about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. I was completely convinced myself that I had to be one or the other but through reading your blog post, I've realized I can be both intrinsically and extrinsically motivated and that's okay. I really enjoyed your post, as did the numerous others who commented, and I look forward to reading others of yours.
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteYour post definitely made me reevaluate my motives in school. I actually think you provoked me more than Menand because, as a student, your perspective was way more relatable. I tried to take myself through the same thought process you did and learned something pretty interesting about my self. While I enjoy learning, I’d be lying to say that it was my main motivation. Sure I come across subjects I find interesting, but unfortunately I find a lot of my assigned readings in college to be useless to my future. I proceeded to follow your next step and contemplate the emphasis I put on grades. Grades are definitely important to me and although I don’t see grades as an accurate measure of intelligence, society does. It then occurred to me that beneath my desire to obtain a good job there was a deeper force driving my work ethic. From the time I was young, I have been indoctrinated with the idea that success in school should be my main focus. I believe that over time I internalized the pressure my parents put on me about grades. I now operate on a constant “stress about school” mentality. While this sounds bad, and often has negative effects, I don’t think I could function without it. Stress is what motivates me to work harder. Even in periods of relaxation, I find my mind racing with thoughts such as “am I sure I don’t have anything to do?” and “maybe I should get ahead on my work?” Something about pulling all-nighters makes me feel accomplished and reminds me of how hard I am working. So overall, my learning is driven by a stress that won’t let me fall behind or not succeed to the fullest of my abilities.
I didn't really think much about the higher education system until I read Menand's article for class. It definitely showed me that some people go through undergrad studies just to get to grad school, and that some people value education and are appreciative of what their classes have to offer and are eager to learn more. For the classes that students are required to take but are uninterested in, the attitude is generally to do as well on the exams as possible, get a decent grade, and then get the hell out of there. Personally, I identify with both theories. Sure, there are classes I am taking that I actually enjoy, but most of my other classes… not so much. I have plans for grad school, in which I know there's no getting around doing the work or being the system. But until then, I'll take the interesting things that higher education offers and do well enough to get my degree. Sometimes you have to consider college as a means to an end, otherwise it gets overwhelming. I know I have enough smarts to survive and I'm perfectly capable of thinking for myself; I don't need a number to tell me where I stand or where to go. Unfortunately, that's what higher education has more or less become, so we're all stuck with it until something changes.
ReplyDelete